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Archive for July, 2007
Oldies, Henny Youngman lives on…
Posted by mitch in July 31st 2007
My doctor is very good. If you tell him you want a second opinion, he will go out and come in again. He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese. Another time he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, [...]
New design for your bathroom??
Posted by mitch in July 31st 2007
BATHROOM-PAINTED FLOOR IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY.. YOU’VE BEEN DRINKING……(not that you would..) AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM…. You open the door…. NOW, REMEMBER, THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR! KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY…..DOESN’T IT? This would mess your mind up!
A Message for You!
Posted by mitch in July 30th 2007
Today is International Disadvantaged People’s Day. Please send an encouraging message to a stupid friend…just as I’ve done. I don’t care if you lick windows, screw farm animals, take the short bus or occasionally shit yourself…You hang in there sunshine, you’re fucking special.
Cabin Talk (I laughed out loud!)
Posted by mitch in July 29th 2007
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the “in flight safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time [...]
How smart is your right foot?
Posted by mitch in July 29th 2007
How smart is your right foot? hmmmmmmmJust try this……………It’s from an orthopedic surgeon………… This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can’t. It’s preprogrammed in your brain! 1. WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY……) and [...]
Life is tough. It’s tougher if you’re stupid.
Posted by mitch in July 29th 2007
Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. “We don’t have half dozen nuggets,” said the teenager at the counter. “You don’t?” I replied. “We only have six, nine, or twelve,” was [...]
Continue reading " Life is tough. It’s tougher if you’re stupid. "
A Wish
Posted by mitch in July 29th 2007
A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish. The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii [...]
Rituals and Ceremones of a Newly Elected Pope
Posted by mitch in July 29th 2007
Every time a new pope is elected, there are a lot of rituals and ceremonies that have to be gone through, in accordance with tradition. Well, there’s one tradition that very few people know about. Shortly after the new pope is enthroned, the chief rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the pope’s presence, [...]
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Why condoms come in packs of 3,6, and 12
Posted by mitch in July 28th 2007
A man walks in to a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?” To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.” “Oh, I see,” replied the boy pensively. “I’ve [...]
Continue reading " Why condoms come in packs of 3,6, and 12 "
Cooking with Cellphones!!
Posted by mitch in July 26th 2007
We need: One egg and 2 mobiles 65 minutes to call from one phone to the other Set up something like in the graphic We’ll initiate the call between the mobiles to last for 65 min’s approximately; Nothing will happen on the first 15 minutes… After 25 minutes the egg starts warming up, after 45 [...]
Theodore Roosevelt 1907
Posted by mitch in July 24th 2007
The year is 1907, one hundred years ago…… READ PRINT UNDER PICTURE “In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate [...]
BELIEVABLE Photo!!
Posted by mitch in July 24th 2007
This is a beautiful photo of a giant American flag in Arizona The photo is authentic, un-touched and was taken on regular Kodak 35 mm film. The person who took the picture couldn’t believe the image created by the suns rays. Nice of them to share it with the world! Read what is says under [...]
Red Hats & Male Strippers
Posted by mitch in July 24th 2007
Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not [...]
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