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A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lions cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the [...]
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. [...]
Generations are grouped as follows: – The Silent generation, people born before 1945. – The Baby Boomers, people born between 1945 and 1961. – Generation X, people born between 1962 and 1976. – Generation Y, people born between 1977 and 1989. Why do we call the last one generation Y? I did not know, but [...]
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, What is Politics? Dad says, Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to [...]
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didnt really know what he wanted to do, and he didnt seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away [...]
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver wont stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, I have a question to ask you but I dont want to offend you. She answers, My dear son, you cannot offend me. When [...]
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, Crushed nuts? No, he replied, Arthritis.
My Grandmother is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-Daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer [...]
Dear Dr. Phil, When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime — bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing.Finally, one day at the Bait & [...]
Here are 7 pictures of European trucks whose trailers are decorated to look like the sides are missing and the products they are hauling are painted on the sides and back. The first one is of a bottle of beer and looks so real, like it is coming out the side of the [...]
Strike one!England: A German “tourist,” supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a “handicap” is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does–backward! A substantial [...]
Science–looking for a black cat in a dark room. Psychology–looking for a black cat in a dark room in which there isn’t any cat at all. Philosophy–claiming that you’ve found a black cat in a dark room in which there isn’t any cat at all. Mathematics–building a room, turning out the lights and then [...]
Continue reading " How Different Departments and Disciplines See a Black Cat "
Ontrack Data Recovery in Eden Prairie, Minn., specializes in recovering data from hard drives damaged by natural or man-made disasters. Here are a few true stories from Ontrack’s files: One customer guessed that maybe his hard drive didn’t work because it had been “sitting in a snowdrift by the barn for a while.” Another [...]
Arbitrator ar’-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s. Avoidable uh-voy’-duh-buhl: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney buh-lo’-nee: Where some hemlines fall. Bernadette burn’-a-det: The act of torching a mortgage. Burglarize bur’-gler-ize: What a crook sees with. Control kon-trol’: A short, ugly inmate. Counterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen [...]
Did You Know… If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s [...]
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