WARNING: Wal-Mart Shoppers Ahead!!!  
Have mercy on them for they know not what they do!

You have no idea how exhausting it can be putting on tight purple sweat pants!!  
North Wilkesboro, NC

 


 

I call a new rule at Wal-mart: If the hole in your jeans is big enough for me to slip my hand inside and sneak a little squeeze, then by golly you best be on guard!  The squeezer, however, retains the right to either squeeze or not to squeeze!  
Sarasota, Florida

 

 

Unfortunately, the only strap working on this entire outfit is the one holding that hideous hair in place.  Is that former Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker’s North Wilkesboro, NC

 

 

Don’t laugh!  Its okay, because Bambi’s granddaughter borrowed her skirt.  Plus, today is combination Casual Friday and Crazy Hair Day, all rolled in to one.
College Station,  Texas

 

 

Apparently, Lester Flem doesn’t know whether he’s homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, or asexual.  However, if you look up the word ‘Transgender’ in the dictionary…… BINGO!!!!  There you will see a picture of dear old flaming Lester in his boots.
Laguna Niguel, California

 

 
 
Where exactly does one buy a short pink outfit like this to beef shop in?
Birmingham, Alabama

 

 
 
So, this is either a cross-dressing nautical Popeye enthusiast OR ……. well, fill in anything.
It really doesn’t matter, because nothing we say will make any sense.  Who lets these people
out of the house un-championed?
Destin, Florida

 

 

Those purple shorts are HOT!!!  I saw those same shorts one time on an elephant in a circus in Belarus .  The house shoes make the outfit!
Columbus, Ohio

 

 
 
Whatever happened to No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service?  Is that a turban on his head or a serving of Jiffy-Pop?  Is the girl in the background taking a picture or teaching the guy in the black wife beater T-shirt to play, “Here is the church and here is the steeple.  Open it up and here are the people!”  Is the chick in the green bikini top putting on makeup?  Honey, you should have saved your money and purchased either a T-shirt or a case of Slim Fast.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana

 

 
 
Agerton? ………..  Is that you?  What do you expect me to say?  That’s exactly what he looks like from the rear.  True, I’ve never seen Agerton in heels.  Still, if I told you there is a picture where purple hair is the least weird thing going on, would you believed me?  Honestly, is that a man or a woman or is Lester Flem back in the store?
Mobile, Alabama

 

 

Britney Spears let herself go again.
Slidell, Louisiana

 

 

 
 
Dear Mrs. Razzlebone-Karbofski, it was cute to dress your boys Festus and Cletus alike when they were two years old, but at 45?  Well, not so much!  ….. Suddenly, Festus says, “Hey, Cletus, I been thankin.  If my truck could travel faster than the speed of light, would my headlights work?”
Tifton, Georgia

 

 

 
 
I am so embarrassed.  Seriously, I have no idea how this photo of my son’s 5th Grade history teacher and part-time Gun Care Instructor, Miss. Cinnamon Goodpicker, got mixed in with this roll of film.  
Katy, Texas

 

 
 
Packing this rear in camouflage shorts is like trying to hide an elephant behind a squirrel.
Seattle, Washington

 

 

 
 
For some reason, I have to assume that no matter where Zebulon goes, “Dueling Banjos” suddenly starts playing from out of nowhere.
Atmore, Alabama

 

 
 
And men claim they can’t meet classy women in stores?  Go figure!
Louisville, Kentucky

 

 
 
Is that a THONG Ollie Hopnoddle is wearing??  I can’t look again or I’ll go blind.
Mountain Brook, Alabama

 

 

For my own sanity, I have to assume that Gussie Klothgrunt is shoplifting two pork roasts in her shirt.  Simply because there is no possible way that can be anything other that two pork roasts in her shirt.  Can’t be!
Forestdale, Alabama  

 

 

No way, Laquanda, absolutely not!  That outfit does not at all make you look like a Hooker.
Midlothian, Virginia

 

 
 
Aw yes, don’t you just love the holiday season in Easley!!  I hope Abe is buying some new shirts.
Is it really necessary to say ANYTHING ELSE???
Easley, South Carolina                                                          

 

On first glance, did it appear to anyone else that Gisella’s dog is coming out her butt?
Orem, Utah

 

 

It’s like a big pink garbage bag filled with creamed corn and door knobs.
Houston, Texas

 

Mesmerized here at the Wal-mart Hiring Center , Pinetop thinks this is his lucky day because his mechanic called an hour ago and said, “I couldn’t fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”  Besides, all his redneck buddies told him he was a lock to get this job at Wal-mart, provided he can remember not to smoke weed or drink beer during the job interview.
Austin, Texas

 

 

This is perfectly understandable.  Elena Kagan was just on her way to the Country Club when she remembered she need some coffee and a couple of yoga videos.  Besides, she thought to herself, I’ll just throw on these gray shorts and I’ll be smokin’.
Nashville, Tennessee

 

 
 
Don’t worry, I’ve already forwarded this picture to Burberry Worldwide in London .  I thought it would be beneficial for them to be reminded of why they got into the fashion and design industry in the first place.  I’m sure Burberry will be ecstatic over seeing their vision spring to life.  Exciting, too, is how Lulu’s slippers simply make those shorts POP!!

 
Did anyone notice her boyfriend is wearing an Auburn T-shirt?  Don’t look at me!  I didn’t take the picture or tell Tater to go to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night with his flashy runway model girlfriend.
Opelika, Alabama

 
BURBERRY’S NEW MARKETING SLOGAN: “WE THINK YOU’LL NOTICE, WE’RE NOT WAL-MART”

 
http://www.burberry.com/en-row/springsummer2010/#/rur

 

 

Is that a baby dangling from Raylene’s waist like a fanny pack???  I don’t believe I’ve ever seen anything like that before.  The only thing wrong with the gene pool around the Ozarks is there’s no lifeguard.  
Fort Smith, Arkansas

 

 

I love talking with Freidagurtz Finkelstein, because she always seems so surprised and interested in what I have to say.
Grand Rapids, Michigan

 

 

Holy Golden Illusions of Grandeur, I gotta get me that outfit!!!!
Alpharetta, Georgia

 
 
Toss in some cat food and Cooter is the loneliest guy in town!
Fort Payne, Alabama

 

 

Someone else can try to figure out what she’s doing, because I have to go wash my eyes out with bleach.
Oxford, Mississippi

 

 

Either that lady has a tail or Barney is stuck where the sun doesn’t shine.
Loves Park, Illinois

 

 

I’m not sure what kinky Bathsheba Squeal plans to do with that pie filling, but there is just something about her that tells me she doesn’t bake, she doesn’t watch Rachael Ray and she has no intention of using that pie filling in the kitchen.
La Verne, California

 

 

I have infinite admiration for the sheer strength of good quality denim.  Moreover, I will be eternally thankful if Honeysuckle’s jeans wait until she reaches the truck to explode.  Seriously, they should consider using denim on the next NASA space shuttle.
Spring, Texas

 

 

For those times when you need fried okra and chicken strips so bad, that you just can’t wait for the bleach to set.
Montgomery, Alabama

 

 
 
Is it even legal to sell that shade of pink?  I love the way Ms. Incense Berkowitz color coordinated her reusable shopping bag to match her shoes, purse, leggings, shirt, jacket, earrings and necklace.  If a bra had been necessary, do you think for one second it would have been any color other than SHRIEKING PINK??
Glendale, California

 

 

I warned Ronnie not to wear that shirt out of the house.  Please, someone go provoke him.  I want to see him whack somebody upside the head with a two 2-liter bottle of Squirt!
Brewton, Alabama
 
Have a good day and laugh